I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
