i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
