she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
