I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We had sex on a dog bed..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
