Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
