just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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