I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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