My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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