I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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