quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
