hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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