3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
