I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
