I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
