last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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