As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
