Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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