i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
