One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
that's an acceptable place to lick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
