I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
