i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
