You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
