Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
