just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
