I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
