dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I didn't shave. On purpose
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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