Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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