clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love having hate sex.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
