I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
