he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Randomize
