Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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