Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
