Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
