Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
