while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
