i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
