I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
