i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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