matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
