just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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