Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
