Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
