I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
