I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
