Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
