member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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