why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
