I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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