This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
