it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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