So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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